I had my first child about 8 years ago. A beautiful baby boy. I wanted a boy, figured they would be much easier than having a girl. I am a girl, I am a "good" girl and I was still, uh, not very "good" most of the time. However, in comparison to my girlfriends, I was perfect! I loved that I was having a little boy and not a demon seed.
I spoiled that little boy rotten, as did everyone else in his life. Maybe we spoiled him too much, eek! Imagine that! So about two years ago, we went and had another one and just when things were starting to get back to "normal"-Finally our son was about to go off to big boy school and we could both worth day jobs. We never agree on much, but keeping our children out of daycare is one thing we both see eye-to-eye on. So, we worked opposite shifts for many, many years. Which could explain why we've drifted so far apart. That and the fact we now have TWO wedges of love between us.
I am happy with my second born child, but that wasn't always the case. Now, I do understand how people get pregnant, but accidents do happen. And that it was, I, we were not ready for a second bundle of joy. It bothered me a lot, knowing that I wouldn't get to spoil my son as much as I wanted to. Knowing that I would now have to give his attention to someone else. I would have to spend my time with new baby, leaving him huddled out in the cold. This really got to me. I stayed very complacent about new baby throughout my pregnancy and I hate to say it now, but seriously did contemplate giving her up for adoption. Not just because I'd have to share my love and time but because my relationship with my husband was spiraling out of control. I loved him but, like the song says, sometimes love, just aint enough. A person needs more than those three spoken words, there has to be actions behind the words. And that makes me think of another song, "then you wouldn't have to say, that you love me, because I'd already know", more than words, more than words...
I am pretty sure I was suffering from major depression throughout the entire pregnancy, I wasn't filled with any type of joy, just impending doom. I am happy to report that I did overcome all of those negative feelings, even though I am still not in a healthy happy relationship with daddy dearest, I have fallen in love with my baby girl.
My boy gets along pretty well with my little princess. However, lately he has been starting to show signs of jealousy and a little resentment towards his sissy. Although my son is very smart, he is still just a boy. You can't expect them to understand that sissy is little and needs more of our attention that he does. As a parent I must do my due diligence at making him feel just as important. It is hard work!
So, the question remains, Do I have a favorite child?I feel that the I have a unique bond with both of my children. My son because he was my first baby, we will always have a special connection. And with my daughter, even though the pregnancy was rocky, we have a special bond because she is me. She is just like me, attitude and all. She's going to keep my blood pumping; I can tell already! One beautiful-kind little boy and one tough-little-princess.
The only two things that keep me relatively sane, my beautiful offspring!
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