Dear Readers,
I have been away now for quite some time. It is even harder now to find time to write and then take into account all of the efforts it takes to figure out what to write about, it is so time-consuming. And I do not find myself with a surplus of time these days. A few months ago, I received a phone call from my mother, that she could no longer take care of my grandmother. I have been doing my best to care for her, on top of trying to work things out with my failing marriage, parent two children and work full time. I don't want another thing to swallow up my precious time, but something I can come as I please and write about whatever is on my mind. I do need that, on nights like this when I just can't seem to shut my eyes and drift off to sleep. My mind is working too much, too fast, it's on overload and I just needed to talk, to write and its okay if no one listens, because this is really just for my sanity. I need some sort of release in my life. I am up at 5 every day, to prepare breakfast, administer medications, get her set up for the day, in an effort to make it as easy for my husband as possible, after all, its, not his grandmother, I am already asking too much of him as it is. I clean potty chairs, take out the trash, wash dishes, make lunches, get my son ready for school, take him to school and most days I forget to brush my hair and/or put on deodorant. Before I even get to work, I feel as if I have already put in a full day's work. Work is also mentally tiring, as I have a group of 7 people that I must monitor 98% of the day to make sure they are on task, most days it feels like I have 7 more children. Got a new boss at work, still on the fence about how I feel about that. Overworked, underpaid, it is the same old sad song, over and over again. Suppose I only have myself to blame for that. Morale is very important, especially when you don't love your job and/or you're not getting paid enough. It's the people who make the job more appealing to come into. We have lost quite a few people over the 3 years I have been there. Most moving onto bigger better opportunities. It will be me too, someday, I hope. I need more, I know I am capable of more. I can do most anything If I apply myself and I am determined. I love to learn. I do have the opportunity to manage my own tax store, only thing is, number one it's in the hood and number two, I don't know a whole lot about taxes! Don't get me wrong I do know more than your average person and I have worked as a tax preparer before, doing small business and personal tax returns. And I do love to manage things. I suppose I just need to inquire about the salary but do I want to be involved in taxes? Ugh, I am not sure, but many getting into something new will help lead me to the place I want to be-wherever that is...
My son started 2nd grade this year, he is growing up so fast, before I know it he'll be starting college! EEK! I like to take it day by day with my littles, try to soak up all of their sweet hugs and love, I know it won't always be this way, they are going to rebel, and someday leave off on their own life adventure. So, I soak up their love now, every chance I get. My little boy will be turning 8 in September, we are planning a Sonic the Hedge Hog, glow bowling party this year. He is really excited! We had a glow bowling party a few years ago and it was a hit. I have been wondering at what age, do kids parties become drop off parties, where the parents don't stay. I don't know about you, but I really hate having to entertain other parents. I don't think I have ever met any parents that I feel like I can relate to or hang out with. There seems to always be some sort of issue. They have cats, or they are boring, they talk too much, they are stay at home moms (nothing wrong with that, just makes me jealous, so I can't handle it, or them), they have tons of money and don't know what it's like to be poor, they are drug addicts or idiots, or just simply bad parents. Harsh but so true. I am still waiting to come across a set of parents to be able to hang with, I know they are out there, somewhere. Two normal people who just so happen to have a kid, my kid's age.
I am thinking about changing my blog setup around, to be just a diary. I'd love to have subscribers and for people to read it, but if they don't that's okay too, at least I have an outlet, some way to release all this angst before I explode. I am still trying to find my way, in almost all aspects of my life. I know it's a journey but I am literally contemplating everything in my life right now, from my marriage to my job. Is life always like this? Or do you ever just know your destiny? I just feel so lost in all of it, the kind of lost I feel when I go into a Michaels department store, there is just so much stuff in there I get so overwhelmed and I want to buy and try everything! Ugh, that's how life is, so many possibilities yet so overwhelming, sometimes I am so overwhelmed I can't make a decision.
Well,
I am making one now, blog is now a diary and there's nothing that's going to change my mind about this, no matter how much I want to be able to travel for free because I have an awesome travel blog or I want people to pay me to write blog posts for them. I just don't care, I just want to be me, be free to express myself, somewhere, someplace and I have declared, this is the place. Hello World! It's me!
I have been away now for quite some time. It is even harder now to find time to write and then take into account all of the efforts it takes to figure out what to write about, it is so time-consuming. And I do not find myself with a surplus of time these days. A few months ago, I received a phone call from my mother, that she could no longer take care of my grandmother. I have been doing my best to care for her, on top of trying to work things out with my failing marriage, parent two children and work full time. I don't want another thing to swallow up my precious time, but something I can come as I please and write about whatever is on my mind. I do need that, on nights like this when I just can't seem to shut my eyes and drift off to sleep. My mind is working too much, too fast, it's on overload and I just needed to talk, to write and its okay if no one listens, because this is really just for my sanity. I need some sort of release in my life. I am up at 5 every day, to prepare breakfast, administer medications, get her set up for the day, in an effort to make it as easy for my husband as possible, after all, its, not his grandmother, I am already asking too much of him as it is. I clean potty chairs, take out the trash, wash dishes, make lunches, get my son ready for school, take him to school and most days I forget to brush my hair and/or put on deodorant. Before I even get to work, I feel as if I have already put in a full day's work. Work is also mentally tiring, as I have a group of 7 people that I must monitor 98% of the day to make sure they are on task, most days it feels like I have 7 more children. Got a new boss at work, still on the fence about how I feel about that. Overworked, underpaid, it is the same old sad song, over and over again. Suppose I only have myself to blame for that. Morale is very important, especially when you don't love your job and/or you're not getting paid enough. It's the people who make the job more appealing to come into. We have lost quite a few people over the 3 years I have been there. Most moving onto bigger better opportunities. It will be me too, someday, I hope. I need more, I know I am capable of more. I can do most anything If I apply myself and I am determined. I love to learn. I do have the opportunity to manage my own tax store, only thing is, number one it's in the hood and number two, I don't know a whole lot about taxes! Don't get me wrong I do know more than your average person and I have worked as a tax preparer before, doing small business and personal tax returns. And I do love to manage things. I suppose I just need to inquire about the salary but do I want to be involved in taxes? Ugh, I am not sure, but many getting into something new will help lead me to the place I want to be-wherever that is...
My son started 2nd grade this year, he is growing up so fast, before I know it he'll be starting college! EEK! I like to take it day by day with my littles, try to soak up all of their sweet hugs and love, I know it won't always be this way, they are going to rebel, and someday leave off on their own life adventure. So, I soak up their love now, every chance I get. My little boy will be turning 8 in September, we are planning a Sonic the Hedge Hog, glow bowling party this year. He is really excited! We had a glow bowling party a few years ago and it was a hit. I have been wondering at what age, do kids parties become drop off parties, where the parents don't stay. I don't know about you, but I really hate having to entertain other parents. I don't think I have ever met any parents that I feel like I can relate to or hang out with. There seems to always be some sort of issue. They have cats, or they are boring, they talk too much, they are stay at home moms (nothing wrong with that, just makes me jealous, so I can't handle it, or them), they have tons of money and don't know what it's like to be poor, they are drug addicts or idiots, or just simply bad parents. Harsh but so true. I am still waiting to come across a set of parents to be able to hang with, I know they are out there, somewhere. Two normal people who just so happen to have a kid, my kid's age.
I am thinking about changing my blog setup around, to be just a diary. I'd love to have subscribers and for people to read it, but if they don't that's okay too, at least I have an outlet, some way to release all this angst before I explode. I am still trying to find my way, in almost all aspects of my life. I know it's a journey but I am literally contemplating everything in my life right now, from my marriage to my job. Is life always like this? Or do you ever just know your destiny? I just feel so lost in all of it, the kind of lost I feel when I go into a Michaels department store, there is just so much stuff in there I get so overwhelmed and I want to buy and try everything! Ugh, that's how life is, so many possibilities yet so overwhelming, sometimes I am so overwhelmed I can't make a decision.
Well,
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